No Writers Were Harmed Making This Photo

 

It must be over a year now since I was nearly mugged. The mugging that lasted over forty minutes.

I had wandered into the suburbs around Notting Hill area, and from what was to follow I wonder now if there is a reason why a river divides the north from the south. I have lived in some pretty desolate places, with high crime and a collection of hopeless lives but not even once have I been mugged, attacked or even approached (there was one incident of a cycle-by spitting though). 

I was on my way to an interview, dressed quite smartly. I wandered to and fro, threading a path over my map with a finger. Then a man, in an arsenal top and shorts, came over to help me. I had seen him look at me a few minutes earlier, and it was obvious what he was after. ‘Y’alright mate? Where you need getting to?’

‘Oh, I’m just heading to an interview, it’s up this road here.’ I lied. He asked where exactly I was trying to get to and offered his guidance ‘Yeah, I know how to get there, what’s your name bruv?’

Great, how am I going to get out of this, I thought – there was no one around meaning no witnesses. I couldn’t have told him where to go in case he just cut to the chase then and there! ‘Chris’ I replied. 

‘Name’s John mate, where you from?’

‘South East London-

‘Oh yeah me too mate, used to live in Peckham.’

‘Oh…really.’  We walk together, chatting now and again, he looks around whenever I answer one of his questions. 

‘Everyone knows me around here…’ an old man is walking down the road, he shrinks away from us as we get nearer to him and John says hello. The man gives him a nod and carries on walking once we’ve gone past. ‘See mate, everyone knows me around here!’ 

I try to break away from him, I explain I pretty much know where we are now and I’m meeting a friend up the road, which is partially true and it calms me a bit to know I’m close now. He insists he’ll help me, he is actually quite charming – but I’ve seen through him and his smile. Then after crossing a road a car pulls up onto the curb, we both jump out of its way and it parks next to a corner shop. The driver is an indian man, he turns off the ignition and John goes up to the driver’s window. He knocks on it twice. The window goes down, ‘you do that again and you’re dead!’ John says.

Ok Chris, time to get out of here – you need to get rid of this freak!

‘These bloody foreigners man, they do my head in, they f***ing do my head in!’ John’s face has changed, it’s as if he doesn’t see me anymore or anything else. ‘F***ing foreigners!’ He continues to shout for a while.

‘I know where we are now, I can just go up this road and I’m there. Thanks for your help though.’ I say.

‘Nah mate, you don’t want to go up there, we can cut through the park and get there quicker.’

‘No really, its just there, I can see it.’ 

‘Just come to the park man, I know this area, I can get you there.’ We continue walking, then as a car comes down the road, I cross in front of it. Now we stand on opposite curbs ‘It’s this way man, you just gotta come down here, why you being like that for?! Just come this way’

‘No, its ok, really – I’m going this way. Thanks’ I walk away, he kisses his teeth.

Later, during the interview, I look out the window. John walks past, shaking his head.

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